10 Years

This past Friday was my 10 year high school reunion. I'll spare you the details - suffice it to say that some people were fatter and/or balder than they were 10 years ago, but there were no major shocks or surprises. A signicant number of my classmates were either doctors, lawyers, or bankers, with a few aspiring actors thrown into the mix.

The whole event though got me thinking again along the same lines that I've been mentally writing for the past year or so - I think my generation really dropped the ball. In particular, I'm thinking about the people who I grew up with - mostly priveleged, intelligent kids who went on to some of the best colleges and universities in the country. We should have been the cream of the crop. Yet, somehow, it didn't seem to turn out that way. I think that somewhere along the line we all collectively lost our drive. Maybe it's the fact that everything was always provided for us by our parents. Maybe it's because our elite secondary institutions coddled us too much, or let us slip through the cracks, finding half-assed work acceptable enough for a grade-inflated B. Whatever the reason, I'm disappointed, in my generation and in myself.

This is why I sometimes feel like I need a vacation from life for a while - not to escape, or to be lazy, but to regain that drive that I know I once had. I used to love to win; now I hardly feel like playing the game.

Decisions

Oh, yeah, about that news. Um, right. Well, I got my old job back. You see, the guy who was running that hedge fund I was at turned out to be a complete lunatic - it's no wonder that nobody wanted to work for him. At any rate, while returning to the sell side wasn't really part of my long-term strategy, my sanity and personal happiness have skyrocketed over the past few weeks as I've smoothly transitioned back into my old spot. Granted, there were a few changes at the old place, most notably a major personnel shift on the trading desk, but I'm overall happy to be back.

After thinking about it a lot over the past few weeks, I've come to the conclusion that I wasn't quite ready to make the transition over to, essentially, running a hedge fund. I think I'm capable of working on the buy side, and one day I intend to be quite successful at it, but right now I need a bit more seasoning. Were there a situation where I could work on the buy side but in a more structured environment, where I would have a mentor and be guided and taught, things would be very different and I'd be able to make that transition now. However, without some more experience, I'm not ready yet to jump all the way to the top. Well, I don't think so at least. Who knows? Maybe I could have done it. I find often that trial-by-fire brings out the best in me. Still, my mental health is more important than that, and it wasn't worth what I had to put up with.

So, now that I've switched back, the more important question is: what do I do now so, when the next time comes around, I'll be ready? I figure I have at least 18 months to 2 years before I'll be making another move, so I should be making the most of this time. Maybe the CFA? Hell of a lot of work, but opens a lot of doors. Unless, of course, I decide to do b-school, in which case it's a waste of time. But, realistically, do I really want to go back to school and take myself out of the workforce for 2 years? A multi-year vacation sounds pretty nice, but so do big bonuses. Decisions, decisions...